Things I Hate: Capri Pants

Introducing a new series to Needs of the Many … “Things I Hate.” They are numerous, and they need to be shared.

In the inaugural post of “Things I Hate” I will take aim at the scourge of female fashion … capri pants.

I know guys … it makes you want to throw up looking at that picture. That’s why I’m taking a stand now.

I don’t know where the capri came from, and I don’t give a damn. They have all the glamor and charm of a bucket full of vomit, and that opinion is nearly universal among men. I have yet to meet a man who likes his woman to wear capris.

The irony is how ‘cute’ women seem to think capris are. Further proving that women are just as clueless about their fashion as men are about theirs. Trust me women, you look about as ‘cute’ in capri pants as a plumber’s hairy ass crack after 12 hours of cleaning up fecal matter in 120 degree heat. Alright, I take that back. The plumber still has more style than you.

Right about now some of you women are in utter shock. Two minutes ago you thought you were hot stuff wearing the modern equivalent of a chastity belt. You’re probably even getting a little mad. No woman likes being told she looks worse than butt, but it needs to be said.  I do this out of love for my fellow man.  Women are God’s most beautiful beings, but capri pants are a weapon of evil.

The capri pant is, in fact, an invention of Satan. More like a weapon of war actually. The capri is hell bent on not just remaining a women’s fashion statement against being attractive … it has now crossed the gender barrier and is claiming some of the heroes of men.

Exhibit A:

See that? All of Tom Brady’s cool has been literally sucked out of him.

Men, we can’t sit back and accept this assault upon decency anymore. Our very livelihoods are at risk.

Ladies, carpi pants are ugly. No, shut up and listen! They ARE ugly, and none of your feminist spin is going to change that simple truth. There is nothing ‘cute’ or even remotely attractive about walking around waiting for the flood in feminine form destroying nonsense.

If women would just say … ‘they look like sh*t, but they are comfortable’ … we guys could get that. We have many things that are comfortable, but look like sh*t. We are well aware of it, but you never allow us that comfort. So in an effort to not paint yourselves as hypocrites … you have falsely proclaimed capri pants to be ‘cute.’ All so you can continue to criticize your man’s not so attractive comfy clothes.

How very juvenile.

Capri pants get 5 out of 5 angry fists for stuff I hate. That’s the worst score you can get.  It’s well deserved.  Capri pants could very well be the thing I hate most.

Men, stop putting up with this drive heave inducing attempt by women to make themselves unattractive. Every time your woman asks if those carpi pants look good on her, just think to yourself … remember Tom Brady … then bite the bullet and stick up for your woman’s sex appeal.

UPDATE:

One of our readers, rudmer90, also pointed out gaucho pants. I agree completely! I had no idea what these things were called when I see them around, but there is absolutely NO sexy whatsoever on these bad boys.

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